Music Monday: Healing Begins

Healing begins when you accept the Light, Jesus Christ, into the dark part of your heart where anger, bitterness, denial, and disgust live. Asking God for help is where healing begins. Start your journey from hurt to healed today!

Daddy Broke My Heart

Today I will be celebrating receiving my graduate degree with my dad. I informed him last week when he called on New Year’s Eve that I finished school and he immediately grabbed his calendar to write-in a time for us to connect which falls on today.

The song that comes to mind is “This is where the healing begins…” This will be the first time that I’ve seen him since starting the DBMH Project 5 months ago. As I reflected in the last entry, I felt different listening to him on the phone this time. There’s nothing personal brewing under the surface. I feel free. No better way to describe it now…

The song says you have to let the secrets out because there is freedom waiting in the sound! I believe that through airing the disappointments and concerns, you can choose to leave them behind you and walk forward…

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Love Inspires

If you ask for a little bit of love and nurture it with positive action and patience, the little love will grow and become more than you could have imagined from the start. Being abandoned by your dad is betrayal, because he should have stayed. He stole your heart and killed your confidence. Loving a traitor, thief, or killer is hard… but possible. Ask God to help you forgive and learn to love him. Ask God to make you bleed love like Christ did on the cross… let that love inspire others to see the benefit of reconciliation and forgiveness… and also… yourself.

(That’s what love does!)

Daddy Broke My Heart

We’ve done a few different reflections on love over the past few weeks. First we covered what love is, defining love as unconditional and absolutely giving without exception. Love is a vast subject and we could blog everyday for the rest of the year on qualities and effects of love and hardly make a dent into the true deepness of love. Love is infinite, and yet, the limitless nature of love inspires us to do better, live better, and be better. Love wakes up hope and urges faith to persevere through all obstacles. Love energizes the faint heart to hold on through the darkest of nights for the dawn. Love pushes the wounded to a safe haven of rest and healing. Love inspires generosity from abundance and sharing from loss. Love keeps you moving when countless others have stopped. Love inspires change for the good through patience and kindness.

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Love’s Biggest Frustration

We often think of ourselves when we hear the word “frustration” … “Oh, I know what that’s like…”; “People are frustrating…”;”I try not to be frustrated, etc.” However, how often do we consider the people we frustrate? How do we adapt our behavior to alleviate this feeling we know so well? Did you know love is at the root of frustration? Evil surmisers don’t have the compassionate energy to be frustrated with someone they do not care about.

Think about it.

Daddy Broke My Heart

Unrequited love is the biggest frustration anyone can face. When you care deeply for someone, you want them not to simply care a little, but care just as much as you do… or more! As sons and daughters, we are frustrated when our dads fail to show that they care. The mixture of anger and sadness causes a deep resentment that makes us want to build walls and close ourselves off.

What we do not often consider is the reactive effect of our decisions.

When a father neglects or disappoints his child, the negative feelings affect the son or daughter.

When the son or daughter closes up and retreats, this hurts them and whoever their life partner is/will be because instead of choosing to address the problem, frustration causes them to hide from the issue. Conflict avoidance… 

The ultimate breech is in the relationship you have with God the Father…

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Music Monday: New Man

How much clearer can it get? Without dad, there is a listless sense of misdirection that creates an emotional cloud that fogs the vision of introspection.

Listen in and embrace the solution… With a New Life comes a New Father.

Here’s some commentary about the song from the lead singer and author.

I can remember when he left
It’s still pounding in my chest
The pain I felt when he said goodbye
All the nights I tried to call
Cause I needed a father’s love
To cheer me on, to lift me up, to be my guide

I try to find my worth
In things that didn’t work
My confidence was broken
I was hopeless

But God, You have made me new
You’ve restored my heart and
Turned these ashes into life
Oh God, You have pulled me through
And everything I was is gone
And washed away for good
I’m a new man in You

I’m trying to walk as a new man
I want You to show me who I am
In You when I forget that I’m Yours
Now I find my worth and it’s set in stone
And it’s done for good

Cause God, You have made me new
You’ve restored my heart and
Turned these ashes into life
Oh God, You have pulled me through
And everything I was is gone
And washed away for good
I’m a new man in You

Oh God, You have made me new
You’ve restored my heart and
Turned these ashes into life
Oh God, You have pulled me through
And everything I was is gone
And washed away for good
And everything I was is gone
And washed away for good
I’m a new man in You

Full Music Video of New Man Below:

Fear of Rejection

We can walk as far as we take ourselves. We can run as far as we push ourselves. We can be whoever we think ourselves to be. We are accepted by the King, whether we can imagine it so or not. We are loved without question. We are strong outside our own inventions… Fear has no place here. Let go of your fear.

Daddy Broke My Heart

Our parents are supposed to love us. Even the media, as twisted and backwards as it is, confirms that parents are to love and care for their children. Anything less is villainous and criminal. So, what do you say to a child who has a parent walk away from them and never look back? How do you explain a dad who has no interest in your life? How do you process that every word out of his mouth saying anything otherwise is a lie?

As children, we desperately need stability to stay balanced. Disturbances to our equilibrium cause an emotional imbalance that reverberate throughout our lives. Ever wonder why perfectly capable people with loads of potential settle for less? Less comes easy. This plays out among emotionally imbalanced people with a fear of rejection as an expression of personal interest instead of what it really is: fear.

Examples spread all…

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Hurt and the Healer by MercyMe

You can live in the midst of something that was once dead with the help and the power of Jesus Christ. Let your world collide with The Healer and be refreshed, renewed…redeemed!

Daddy Broke My Heart

Lyrics and Reflection:

Why? >> Often we ask “Why?” when we are faced with what we feel is unjust. How could God allow this to happen to me? On the other side of my situation, I see that this question is a tell-tale sign of a lack of trust in God’s omnipotent control and master plan. Beware the temptation to question what the Lord allows. There is always a reason! Romans 8:28

The question that is never far away
The healing doesn’t come from being explained >>Lord knows that we can KNOW for years what is to be done and lack the strength to follow through. Remember the scripture from which we can draw our strength in confidence, knowing God stands on His Word and delivers on His promises without fail.

Jesus please don’t let this go in vain
You’re all I have
All that remains

So here…

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Evil Coffee Beans

Whenever I’m around people who love coffee (which is quite often), I’m reminded of the way anger works in a child’s mind. I disdained the thought of ever drinking it myself simply because of my father’s undying love for the bean. This knowledge of the reaches of serious anger displacement creates an awareness in me to see beyond the surface with other people. Ask questions like, “Is there a reason why you dislike…?”
Any answer that begins outside of a persons tastes, preferences, or experience could be part of a broken perspective aided by displaced unaddressed emotions.

Daddy Broke My Heart

Dunkin’ Donuts coffee is bad. Starbucks is the worst. I’ll smash empty cups. Tear cardboard heat protector cup holders. I gag at the smell of fresh ground. Have I tasted it? Never. But why should I have to?! It’s addictive and drives people wreckless tearing apart families.

Sound a bit over the top? Of course it is! But you could never convince the 9-15yr. old Keila any different. My family would be eating ground turkey and rice for dinner while my dad took from the grocery fund to buy his precious cups of coffee. Coffee from the home pot wouldn’t suffice. No, his cups had to come from the coffee shop and the more expensive the cup, the better. His cravings were insatiable during the times my mother hated it most.

Dunkin’ coffee is bad. Starbucks is worst.

“Have a sip…” My father leans over to offer me the bitter…

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Music Monday: Blown Away by Carrie Underwood

Are you waiting for everything left standing from yesterday to be bloooown awaaaaay? Here is a reblog of a song Dr. Caleb prefaced well. Change your life song ending!

Daddy Broke My Heart

When asked what the first image was when the word pain was said, my friend saw her father.
Restoration according to Merriam-Webster (version c): a restoring to an unimpaired or improved condition.
Many daughters today get stuck in the belief that restoration is not for everyone and/or not even possible in certain situations. I disagree… in fact, I strongly disagree.
This song was written in the depths of pain but I am certain the story does not have to end with the last verse. Time to for you to write the next song with your own lyrics.
Here’s “Blown Away” by Carrie Underwood
Dry lightning cracks across the skies
Those storm clouds gather in her eyes
Her daddy was a mean old mister
Mama was an angel in the ground
The weather man called for a twister
She prayed blow it down
There’s not enough rain in Oklahoma
To wash the…

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No Expectations

In light of this past weekend’s events, I feel it is extremely relevant to repost it. My dad promised to come to my graduation. I actually believed that he would come. I had no reason to doubt he would, I mean… He came to my undergrad ceremony. He even mentioned that he would because of the fact that as my dad, he HAD to be there. Yet, the day came and he did not. But you know what’s absolutely wonderful about loving without expectations? When I discovered he’d left the promised cash in a card with my brother the day before, I realized two things.

1. That I was not upset that he didn’t call to tell me he knew he’d miss ahead of time…for whatever reason.
2. He did care enough to deliver on half his promise.
Something is better than nothing. I’m grateful and blessed to be free of the hurt that comes with bitterness. I’m free of disappointment beyond wishing I had a good picture with him. I’m free.

No expectations. Best way to live. You can hope without assuming any obligation on anyone. That’s love.

Daddy Broke My Heart

So if unconditional love expects nothing in return… what does that look like?

Take mother’s love as an example. Any good mother will feed, care for, clean, and protect their child regardless of the kid’s temperament. Sure, it’s easier to care for a laid back, calm child. But a screaming, constantly dissatisfied child will still endlessly receive love and care.

Enter a deadbeat dad.

Loving a dad who is not around can be hard to fathom, but the key is showing him care and concern during the times you can. His birthday. His random visits (if ever). Holidays.

Many times, men are afraid of rejection. Men are terrified of being a failure. Men can also be in denial about their responsibilities. Definitely a dead beat dad.

When you show love and affection, you open a door for honest vulnerability in that your dad cannot use the excuse that your life…

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Courage to Heal

In light if the recent testimony of courage and healing from Tara, I want to encourage other readers going through your own storm to put away your hurt feelings and reach beyond your grasp to a new state of being. Be brave and make a change in your life by taking control of the story and influencing it for good. By your own faith and actions are you healed!
Love always,

Daddy Broke My Heart

“Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it.” – Tori Amos

No one is saying that choosing to heal is easy… but it is a choice, and yes, it does take courage. But why put off for later what you so desperately need now? The past is gone and the present is all you have. What’s coming to you is the future… wouldn’t it be nice to look out for your future self and do the hard stuff now? Trust me, you will be thankful you did.

Take courage. Try. No excuses. Your wellbeing and long term happiness is your reason why. Choose to be healed today.

Courage to Heal

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