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Decisions

Life is the culmination of many decisions
From the simplest moments of survival
Deciding, Will I eat? Will I stay in bed?
Will I react or ignore what someone said?
Every decision isa building block to the work of my life
Only I can determine what’s that’s gonna look like.

What others do, what they say, how they act everyday
Should have little pull on what I decide
All that has happened, every hope that has died
Are all connected to what I decide
Will I keep pushing?
Will I keep fighting?
Can I forgive and forget?
Move on or keep hiding?
Maybe the more important question is: what life am I building?

Life is the culmination of small decisions
The big ones are only the side effect of the small
Never take even the smallest thing for granted
Be purposeful in your mind
Keep your focus on what you can control
Release the rest for the peace of your soul
Especially the people, misfortune, and stress
Go build the life you like
Only you can decide.

Check out the DBMH Project, Inc website to see how I decided the road of forgiveness and healing.

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Unveiled

Sometimes the deepest, hidden parts of me that are hard to express pour out of me in the form of poetry. Have you written artistically about a struggle or fear? Share in the comments section!

Daddy Broke My Heart

Unveiled I stand, in the midst of a grand audience of onlookers, feelers, supporters, and my own fear…
Revealed by the ache in my voice, emotions in a haze, my vision unclear.
Naked without the covering of my lies
The lies I told myself to hide
Hide from the reality outside the walls
The walls that stall the people who surround me
from reaching me…who I am beneath
Beneath the façade of carefree
Woe is not the load I carry
But my definition of freedom is limited to the anxiety of being betrayed by somebody
Because no one owes me more than the man who walked away from me
The man who bore me with his own flesh and yet
Abandoned
Alone without him and any hope of ever knowing what trust looks like
Estranged from my faith in possibility
I drown my self in the very thing that keeps…

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Papa, Can You Hear Me?

Barbra Streisand sang a song to her dad.

The lyrics are touching… I thought I’d share it this week with you all.

Papa, can you see me?
Papa, can you find me in the night?
Papa, are you near me?
Papa, can you hear me?
Papa, can you help me not be frightened?

Looking at the skies
I seem to see a million eyes
Which ones are yours?
Where are you now that yesterday
Waved goodbye
And closed its doors?
The night is so much darker.
The wind is so much colder

The world I see is so much bigger now that I’m alone.

Papa, please forgive me.
Try to understand me.
Papa, don’t you know I had no choice?

Can you hear me praying,
Anything I’m saying,
Even though the night is filled with voices?

I remember ev’rything you taught me
Ev’ry book I’ve ever read.
Can all the words in all the books
Help me to face what lies ahead?
The trees are so much taller
And I feel so much smaller.
The moon is twice as lonely
And the stars are half as bright.

Papa, how I love you.
Papa, how I need you.
Papa, how I miss you
Kissing me goodnight.

Hurt and the Healer by MercyMe

Lyrics and Reflection:

Why? >> Often we ask “Why?” when we are faced with what we feel is unjust. How could God allow this to happen to me? On the other side of my situation, I see that this question is a tell-tale sign of a lack of trust in God’s omnipotent control and master plan. Beware the temptation to question what the Lord allows. There is always a reason! Romans 8:28


The question that is never far away
The healing doesn’t come from being explained >>Lord knows that we can KNOW for years what is to be done and lack the strength to follow through. Remember the scripture from which we can draw our strength in confidence, knowing God stands on His Word and delivers on His promises without fail.


Jesus please don’t let this go in vain
You’re all I have
All that remains

So here I am
What’s left of me
Where glory meets my suffering>>When we give all we are to Jesus, he receives glory from our sacrifice and can shine through the hurt we feel by giving us supernatural amounts of grace and peace in the midst of the storm!

I’m alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I fall into Your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide

Breathe
Sometimes I feel it’s all that I can do
Pain so deep that I can hardly move
Just keep my eyes completely fixed on You >> The key is to stay focused on Christ and his love for you. The suffering he underwent for us will always trump anything we face from others. Always.
Lord take hold and pull me through

So here I am
What’s left of me
Where glory meets my suffering

I’m alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I fall into your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide

It’s the moment when humanity
Is overcome by majesty
When grace is ushered in for good
And all our scars are understood
When mercy takes it’s rightful place
And all these questions fade away
When out of the weakness we must bow
And hear You say “It’s over now”>>>>Just keep holding on! Trusting is essential to arrive at this place, the sooner you let go the need for control, the sooner God can show you the bigger picture and where you fit in.

I’m alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take this heart and breathe it back to life
I fall into your arms open wide
When The hurt and the healer collide

[x2:]
Jesus come and break my fear
Wake my heart and take my tears
Find Your glory even here
When the hurt and the healer collide

Jesus come and break my fear
Wake my heart and take my tears
And find Your glory even here>>>How are you glorifying God in the midst of your pain?

When Forgiving Feels Like Losing

During my commute from my apartment to work, this song popped on my Pandora Station. I immediately identified with the message and knew that this weeks song would be Losing from the new album The Struggle by Tenth Avenue North. I’ve inserted my comments and italicized them next tot he lyrics in the song because I really want you to read and ponder over these very powerful words…

I can’t believe what she said

I can’t believe what he did
Oh, don’t they know it’s wrong, yeah?
Don’t they know it’s wrong, yeah?
Maybe there’s something I missed
But how could they treat me like this?
It’s wearing out my heart
The way they disregard

This is love, this is hate…
We all have a choice to make

Oh, Father won’t You forgive them?
They don’t know what they’ve been doin’ (oh no)
Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them
‘Cause I feel like the one losin’ >>>> This is the issue. This is where a lot of people choose to skip the most important step of feeling betrayed, disregarded, and mishandled. Instead of choosing to let go and let God handle it, they internalize the hurt and give way to bitterness. It’s okay to be honest and let God know you feel like you have the short end of the stick, but do not forget that forgiving is for YOU, not for them. Keep yourself free of malice. People are not worth your peace.

Well it’s only the dead that can live
But still I wrestle with this
To lose the pain that’s mine
Seventy times seven times
‘Cause Lord it doesn’t feel right >>>> You want justice. You want to know that God really understands that these people do not deserve a “pass” on how they’re treating you!
For me to turn a blind eye
Though I guess it’s not that much
When I think of what You’ve done. >>> But we have to stop and consider what Christ went through for us, for that person, and realize that whatever we have to ignore and let go will never amount to what Christ had to do. Never.

This is love, this is hate…
We’ve got a choice to make

Oh, Father won’t You forgive them?
They don’t know what they’ve been doin’ (oh no)
Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them
‘Cause I feel like the one losin’

Oh, no!

Why do we think that hate’s gonna change their heart?
We’re up in arms over wars that don’t need to be fought
But pride won’t let us lay our weapons on the ground >>> stop fighting.
We build our bridges up but just to burn them down
We think pain is owed apologies and then it’ll stop
But truth be told it doesn’t matter if they’re sorry or not
Freedom comes when we surrender to the sound
Of mercy and Your grace, Father, send Your angels down

[x2]
Oh, Father won’t you forgive them?
They don’t know what they’ve been doin’ (oh no)
Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them >>> We have to ask God for the strength to forgive because it will not come naturally. Ask and it shall be given. 
‘Cause I feel like the one losin’
Yeah, I feel like I’ve been losing

Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them
‘Cause I feel like the one losin’
I feel like I’ve been losin’

Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them
‘Cause I feel like the one losin’

Uncharted waters of Forgiveness

Sometimes we find comfort in the emotions we are familiar with. The state of forgiveness for big things can be uncharted waters for most people. Do not let the fear of the unknown hold you back from doing what you know is the right thing to do. You might feel like you’re losing, but you’re not. To forgive is to win the favor of the Most High God, Savior King, The Lord… and that’s all that matters.

You can watch the music video by the artists here:

Music Monday: “Please Daddy (Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas)”

John Denver performed this song and it appeared on three of his different albums. This song is twangy and super country, but goes to show that there are countless children crossing their fingers in hopes that alcohol won’t ruin another holiday of family merriment.

This Christmas, I challenge any adults who know people with children who tend to be depressed, bottle heavy, and negative during the Christmas season to step up and hold that person accountable for their selfish actions. Let them know that their choices affect their kids more than they know. Encourage them to do their best to make the holiday happy for the kids, even if that means missing it altogether. In my opinion, no memories are much better than bad memories.

Don’t stand by and watch a child suffer, do what you can to redeem their holiday with loads of kindness and care. Presents, money, and treats are not what kids remember most about Christmas holidays. Children remember the time you spend with them!

Lyrics:

Please Daddy, dont get drunk this Christmas
I dont wanna see my Mumma cry
Please Daddy, dont get drunk this Christmas
I dont wanna see my Mumma cry

Just last year when I was only seven
And now I’m almost eight as you can see
You came home at a quarter past eleven
Fell down underneath our Christmas tree

Please Daddy, dont get drunk this Christmas
I dont wanna see my Mumma cry
Please Daddy, dont get drunk this Christmas
I dont wanna see my Mumma cry

Mumma smiled and looked outside the window
She told me son, you better go upstairs
Then you laughed and hollered Merry Christmas
I turned around and saw my Mummas tears

Please Daddy, dont get drunk this Christmas
I dont wanna see my Mumma cry
Please Daddy, dont get drunk this Christmas
I dont wanna see my Mumma cry
No, I dont wanna see my Mumma cry

Words and music by Bill Danoff and Taffy Nivert

What would you suggest to a child begging their dad not to get drunk this Christmas holiday?

S/N: If you have a memory of someone who redeemed what could have been a negative Christmas experience, please add it below!

Music Monday Reflection: Arms by Christina Perri

Today’s post is about another effect of growing up without a dad invested in your life.

As a disclaimer, I don’t know Christina Perri. We have never had the chance to chat about her dad, but based on the theme in her music, it doesn’t seem like a long shot to say that this woman has daddy issues. (I do stand to be corrected, but the evidence in her music speaks to the deepest parts of understanding inside of me. It is what it is. More than half of us have daddy issues so the odds are in my favor.)

Every time I hear either of her songs Jar of Hearts or Arms, I get the feeling that Christina has been hurt deeply and wants to love and trust someone with her heart… but is hesitant. The what ifs scare her.

I’m not going to input the music video, but here are some of the lyrics to support my observations.

You put your arms around me
And I believe that it’s easier for you to let me go
You put your arms around me and I’m home

How many times will you let me change my mind and turn around?
I can’t decide if I’ll let you save my life or if I’ll drown

I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me ’cause I’m already falling
I’ll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I’m home

The care and support of someone who loves her makes her feel at home. Though we wish for our loved ones to see right through our walls, they cannot understand without explanation. Sometimes we will feel like we’ve been obvious about what we need and how we feel, but without overtly expressing it… they miss it. Not only apply in romantic relationships, but in friendships as well. If you want people to know where you are, tell them. The chances of someone inherently knowing without you telling them is slim to none and not a fair expectation to put on someone from the start. — She goes on to write:

The world is coming down on me and I can’t find a reason to be loved
I never wanna leave you but I can’t make you bleed if I’m alone

You put your arms around me
And I believe that it’s easier for you to let me go… …

I tried my best to never let you in to see the truth
And I’ve never opened up
I’ve never truly loved ’til you put your arms around me
And I believe that it’s easier for you to let me go

Why do we believe it’s easy for people to move on from us? Well, when we are looking from the perspective of having a father who bore us with his own flesh walking away without explanation, how could we expect anyone else to do anything less?

Stop treating yourself like you are not the priceless gem you are. Your father is/was delusional for having ever left you or treating you like you don’t matter. Embrace the truth: you are worthy to be loved and cherished. You deserve a loyal love that knows no other equal to you. The songwriter found herself in the arms of the man that made her question her “self-preservation” practices. Find yourself while you are still alone, that way no one can ever take your discovery away from you or make you question it.

I found my self-worth and value in Jesus Christ. He promised to love me and never forsake me. He promises to always be there and He always has been. No one can take that away from me. I don’t care what anyone says or does, this truth stands sure forever.

Where do you find your self-worth? What types of feelings surface reading the lyrics of this song?

Share in the comments section! I’d love to hear your insights.

 

My Love Is…

My love is strong and persistent. My natural inclination is to be a solid pillar of a friend for the special ones I let into my circle. If I commit to you, I’ll sacrifice my time, health, energy, and belongings keeping that promise. I’m bound by my word because I know what it’s like to be let down. I know what it’s like to have your expectations crash to the ground. I refuse to ever put someone else through that which I’ve been dealt. I could never wish on someone else the pain that I have felt.
My love is loyal and stubborn. If I have chosen you then surrender. Love me back, love me true. Let loving me be the best thing that happened to you. I know some secrets, I’ve seen some flaws, and I still love you. I love it all. I want to give you all of that for which I’ve been anticipating. My ears, my eyes, my time, and my attention on you – validating. I know what it’s like to feel like second best. I know what it’s like to feel hunger in my chest. I don’t want you to ever have to feel alone. I could never stand by and watch someone do you wrong.
My love is heavy and my memory serves. If I give part of myself to you, reflect back what I deserve. I cannot stand pretense, lies, or selfish games. I cannot stand injustice or see dreams set to flames. My heart is fragile, having been broken and glued; later torn at the edges then mended and soothed. I will not tolerate disrespect. I will not enable you to hurt me… I know how that feels, to be a victim of my own defenses. Wounding myself retreating emotions blinding my senses. I could never let you hurt me and hate yourself later. I could never wish for you to know me if it’s not helping you.
My love is constant and unashamed. I love you with all of me come hail, wind, and rain. But if you knowingly cross me, a stab-through-the-heart type betrayal… I’m immediately searching inside to find: where did I fail? But I must not internalize a choice that you may decide to make. What you do is on you, the blame is not mine to take. I know how it feels to carry the weight of someone else’s blunders; I have to remind myself that I am nobody’s Savior.
My love is the echo of the silent cries of a neglected little girl longing for her father
My love is the hope of an Abba who is everything my dad never was
My love is the faith that frees me through repentance
My love is the courage to grant forgiveness
My love is a reflection of what Christ daily gives to me.
Holy reconciliation and peace.

Music Monday – Rolling Stone by Out of Eden

October introduces the DBMH first theme: Music Mondays!

Feel free to send your favorite songs that have dad themes and we will feature the music on Music Mondays. Add your thoughts and get those featured along with the video.

Email keila@daddybrokemyheart.com to submit the song.

This week’s song is a throwback. I used to listen to this and find hope in that my Father in heaven trumps my dad on all levels. He cares for me and that’s all that matters.

Sitting on the front porch,
Waiting for you to come home.
Visions of reuniting in my head.
Only bitter-sweet memories, no holidays, no Christmas trees.
Broken promises I’ve got instead.

How I used to wonder, “Where did I go wrong?
How you could have stayed away so long?”
Thank God for my mother,
Her’s was no easy song.
Thank God that He showed me how to get along.

My papa was a rolling stone.
Abandon us and left us ‘lone.
And how he broke my heart and hope; had me loose my faith.
Somebody knows what I’ve been through.
I’ve understood, I’ve been there too.
So let me introduce you to my father, Father.

Your story sounds alot like mine.
It’s a story heard a thousand times.
Someone hurting leaves in disaray.
Don’t you know that God made you more valuable than they ever knew?
You know you can live past their mistakes.

Oh, how I used to wonder “How could all this be?
Someone that you loved so much just turns their back and leaves.”
Oh, you need the lover of you soul and
He is able to take care of you annd
He will never leave.

Your papa was a rolling stone.
Abandoned you and left you ‘lone.
And how he broke your heart and hope.
He had me loose my faith.
I’m seeing what you’re going through.
I understand, I’ve been there too.
So let me introduce you to my father, Father.

I was lost and out of controle.
Then He found me and saved my soul.
Let me lead you to the one I know.
He can make you whole.

No longer I wonder,
Solid ground under my feet.
I know what my life is worth,
No longer incomplete.
I just want to tell you,
You are truly loved,
By the Maker of the Heavens,
the Creator of the Earth.
You know He’s got His hands on you and
That is more than enough.

My papa was a rolling stone.
Abandoned us and left us ‘lone.
And how he broke my heart and hope; had me loose my faith.
Somebody saw what I’ve been through.
They understood, They’ve been there too.
They gladly introduced me to my father, Father.

Your papa was a rolling stone.
Abandoned you and left you ‘lone.
And how he broke your heart and hope.
He had me loose my faith.
I’m seeing what you’re going through.
I understand, I’ve been there too.
So let me introduce you to my father, Father.

Tell me what you’re going through.
I understand, I’ve been there too.
So let my introduce you to my father, Father.

God…

Go to DBMH Website

Dysfunctional Love

This is a poem Leila wrote three years ago as a daughter to her father. Now that she has a son she can only imagine the hurt he will feel from his father not being there when he is older. She is thankful every day that she had a boy, because a girl without her dad is a girl without a definition of love, a boy without a dad is a boy w/o a hero, but at least another hero can take his place.

“Dysfunctional Love”

My first love was my daddy, he held my heart in his hands.
When he sat and listened he taught me love understands.
My first love was my father, I was daddy’s little girl,
When he gave me his time, He was giving me the world,
My first love was dad, my earliest memories revolved around him,
I’d give him my all if he asked me, doting to his every whim,
My first love let me down, When he walked away that day,
HE taught me try as hard as you will, but love won’t stay,
My first love scarred me, gave me this new perception,
That to love means to hurt, to have to live with deception,
My first love took a part of my heart, and was too selfish to see,
While he was hurting my mother, he was slowly killing that piece of me,
My first love let me invest in him, Trying to build up a hopeless case,
Let me love him so much, while he lied to my face,
My first love is still out there, determined to the end he wasn’t wrong,
I try to work out my issues, so the damage wont be prolonged,
My first love hardly calls, but I’ve learned to cope,
He taught me well that love revolves around hope,
My first love is fading from my mind, but he’ll always remain,
As the one who seemingly unconsciously gave love a bad name,
My first love showed me something, And now Im aware,
Any man who in any way resembles my first Love to BEWARE
And dad I hope one day you read this and things change for the good
Instead of you thinking this is just another time you’ve been misunderstood,
My daddy, my father, my friend, you were all of the above,
But you also were the man who was my first dysfunctional love.

I love you dad. I wish you knew how to love me.

-Leila Harris

written: 11/18/09

Check out her blog here.

Go to DBMH Website

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