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From Hurt to Healed Available in PRINT!

Dear Readers,
Thank you so much for supporting the DBMH Project by subscribing. I am very excited to announce that the book From Hurt to Healed is now available in print under my alias Harmony Constance and YOU can have your very own paperback or hardback copy by clicking on the following link: http://bookstore.westbowpress.com/Products/SKU-000951262/From-Hurt-to-Healed.aspx
If you would like a personalized, signed copy – simply send a paypal payment of $15 (paperback) to keila @ daddybrokemyheart.com and I will mail you a signed book with a personal note inside. 🙂
If you are however, unable to afford buying the book right now, PLEASE “Like” the Facebook page and let me know… we’ll try to work something out. I will not take a single iota of your effort for granted!
Thanks again,
Keila Harris
Author of From Hurt to Healed
Now Available and can be ordered in any bookstore anywhere. (Use ISBN)

I am Healed

I’ve shared my testimony of healing and forgiveness a couple times over the past couple days and I’m so grateful for the heart of love and forgiveness God has put within me. Even though I came from a broken home with a neglectful dad, I’ve learned how nothing anyone else does is about me. Nothing is ever personal.

The problem is sin. People do the most backwards things to ease their guilt and the backlash on others is never fully recognized or considered simply because the first offense is against God, the Almighty. Who are we to be offended? We are to love as vengeance. We are to forgive with open arms. We are to pursuit with purpose and never wish for harm against any person.

Though it sounds hard and unrealistic, it’s my experience…a freedom and divine inspiration with unending encouragement to keep going to the end of me and all I can do…and let Christ continue His work through me.

To start from the beginning of it all, visit the DBMH Project, Inc. website, and explore my path from hurt to healed.

Decisions

Life is the culmination of many decisions
From the simplest moments of survival
Deciding, Will I eat? Will I stay in bed?
Will I react or ignore what someone said?
Every decision isa building block to the work of my life
Only I can determine what’s that’s gonna look like.

What others do, what they say, how they act everyday
Should have little pull on what I decide
All that has happened, every hope that has died
Are all connected to what I decide
Will I keep pushing?
Will I keep fighting?
Can I forgive and forget?
Move on or keep hiding?
Maybe the more important question is: what life am I building?

Life is the culmination of small decisions
The big ones are only the side effect of the small
Never take even the smallest thing for granted
Be purposeful in your mind
Keep your focus on what you can control
Release the rest for the peace of your soul
Especially the people, misfortune, and stress
Go build the life you like
Only you can decide.

Check out the DBMH Project, Inc website to see how I decided the road of forgiveness and healing.

Wonder of Watching

Today I watched a dad surprise his two girls (who appeared to be about 10 and 12) with two MacBook Air computers. No occasion. No reason other than that they’d wanted it for a while and he wanted to surprise them.

I watched the girls squeal in disbelief and begin hugging and kissing him gratefully. He stood stiff as a wooden pillar, turning red in the face. He just wanted them to know he cared without saying so.

I sucked in my breath as I watched. These girls have what every girl needs. The MacBook Airs can be easily replaced by froyo on a hot day or a new beach ball. The gift is not what’s important… it’s the loving adoration of a dad that cares about what you want… not just what you need.

To every girl who has never had anything close to a moment like what I witnessed today, take heart. Your father in heaven loves you more than any man ever could. Though the human aspect of relationship is nice, it is not altogether required for an enriched life with God as your father.

As quickly as my heart sank watching… knowing I would never experience what the girls obliviously cherish, I am encouraged to know I have the BEST father there is in God and he takes care of much bigger things than computers on a wish list. He gave me a clean heart, he takes care of me and keeps me from the defilement of the world. Not to mention the car, puppy, jobs, and other countless things a natural dad can only go so far to provide.

I’m thankful for what I have and hope I’ve encouraged someone to see things through a different lens.

Music Monday: New Man

How much clearer can it get? Without dad, there is a listless sense of misdirection that creates an emotional cloud that fogs the vision of introspection.

Listen in and embrace the solution… With a New Life comes a New Father.

Here’s some commentary about the song from the lead singer and author.

I can remember when he left
It’s still pounding in my chest
The pain I felt when he said goodbye
All the nights I tried to call
Cause I needed a father’s love
To cheer me on, to lift me up, to be my guide

I try to find my worth
In things that didn’t work
My confidence was broken
I was hopeless

But God, You have made me new
You’ve restored my heart and
Turned these ashes into life
Oh God, You have pulled me through
And everything I was is gone
And washed away for good
I’m a new man in You

I’m trying to walk as a new man
I want You to show me who I am
In You when I forget that I’m Yours
Now I find my worth and it’s set in stone
And it’s done for good

Cause God, You have made me new
You’ve restored my heart and
Turned these ashes into life
Oh God, You have pulled me through
And everything I was is gone
And washed away for good
I’m a new man in You

Oh God, You have made me new
You’ve restored my heart and
Turned these ashes into life
Oh God, You have pulled me through
And everything I was is gone
And washed away for good
And everything I was is gone
And washed away for good
I’m a new man in You

Full Music Video of New Man Below:

Love is a choice.

A worthy reflection on one of the first blog posts written for the project. Love is (always and without exception) a choice.

Daddy Broke My Heart

Even though as infants and toddlers we were trained to love our blood relatives, as we come to an understanding that love goes beyond the words and hugs. Love is a commitment to put someone else before yourself. Love is a promise to look out for someone and keep their name from being marred or misused. Love is vulnerability.
Love is something we can help, simply put, a choice. Once betrayed, you choose to stop loving. Your vulnerability is treated as a weakness and manipulated. When Anaïs Nin stopped loving her father, you would think she would have found freedom from the negative energy of that relationship. This was not the case. She succumbed to what she describes as a “pattern of slavery.” A “pattern of slavery” to suppressed emotion, feelings of neglect, gripped in the chains of her own bitterness.

We can choose our friends. But blood dictates who is in…

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Fixated Loyalty

Once you know what it’s like to be left without a cause, you can react to the abandonment by staying away from any commitments so you can avoid the possibility of failure or you attach yourself to people, things, and processes that make you happy – fixating yourself with a dog-like loyalty that is not easily broken.

I’ll discuss avoiding commitment next week. Today, I wanted to start a dialogue around this concept of fixated loyalty. As with anything, balance is a MUST to maintain a healthy equilibrium. Channelling the tendency into good things can make you a better person than the privileged people who have never suffered neglect from their dad.

From my own experience, I’ve found my tendency to fixate my loyalty to be beneficial to living my life to the fullest. I am committed to serving God, no matter what the cost or where it takes me. My love for Him is deep and true and not anyone or anything even slightly compares. My fixation blinds me to alternatives and keeps me focused on being obedient so I can be blessed and life a good life. Because anything less than a good life would include heartache and grief and I’ve suffered enough already…I trust God to keep me from breaking down, being my helping hand and comfort through any times of difficulty. And He has been that and so much more. Simply knowing that God would be devastated if I walked away from Him and went my own way is enough to keep me connected.

The same goes for my health, friendships, projects… anything! The balance comes into play when betrayal and deceit enters the scene and compromises the connection. A friend and mentor was struggling through some personal issues and disconnected herself from me. In the midst of my hurt and disappointment, I was determined to prove myself… prove that I was good enough, that I was worth loving. Though the disconnect had nothing to do with me, I was being sideswiped and stripped of any power to maintain the connection. Years passed before I was able to realize that nothing is ever personal. If someone chooses to live life without you when you planned to stick it out till the end, you have to let them go. Loyalty, after all, is a two way street.

You cannot allow yourself to be so loyal that you empower people to take advantage of the fixation. Know that you are worthy to receive the same time and dedication you put out. Don’t sell yourself short obsessing over staying connected. Most times you gain more in letting go than you ever could stubbornly holding on.

Humility Heals

Pride leads to conflict; those who take advice are wise. Proverbs 13:10 NLT

Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice. NIV

No matter the relationship, when contention arises, pride is nearby.

Pride points fingers. Pride gives up trying. Pride simply refuses to take the humble side.

The conflict you are experiencing in your relationship with your dad or whomever is the direct result of arrogance.

You might be sitting there, reading this, nodding your head in agreement saying, “That’s right, his/her pride is hindering our connection.”

Let me add one more definition to pride: Knowing there is a rift in the relationship and waiting for the other party to do something about it. Feeling like you’ve done all you can is equal to calling it quits. Putting off the responsibility to the other person is pointing fingers!

Take the humble side. Humility heals the breech and it’s worth the trouble.

False Strength

Pretending is encouraged in our society.

“Fake it till you make it”

“Put your game face on”

“Don’t let your feelings get in the way”

There are endless lines of encouragement with a subtext communicating the need to ignore the negative, inconvenient hindrances and get to where you’re going.

In some cases, like pressing to work, church, or the gym, and ignoring how you feel is self-discipline. Very important distinction between self-discipline, which is strength, and denial, false strength.

Pretending you don’t have a broken heart after being rejected by someone you cared deeply about is not going to help you. Acting like being stood up is no big deal to ease the sting is dishonest. Saying that the absence of your father has not affected your life negatively does not make it true. You can’t fake away bruises. You can’t game face your way out of already being broken.

Real strength and self-discipline requires the expression of true feelings amidst different situations. Many artists do this through music. Others through their own chosen art form. I have chosen words to express myself and have been tons better for it.

Do not let what you wish to be and strategic appearances of being strong cripple you. Be honest about where you are. Be strong in being vulnerable. Pretending to be strong will only cause your true weakness to blindside you.

Get angry. Get sad. Feel. Cause being true to how you feel is being real.

Ignorance is not bliss

Whoever coined the phrase “ignorance is bliss” must have been replying to Solomon when he wrote, “For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief.” (Eccles. 1:18) If you consider the idiom from a broad perspective, anyone who adopts such a frivolous perspective is quite selfish. Sure, knowing children are dying everyday from hunger, sexual abuse, and abandonment is a rough fact to stomach, but not knowing does not change the facts.

I’m taking this a step further. Knowing is not enough either. Is it worse to know there’s a homeless person freezing just beyond your door and leave him there than to know he’s there and call and inform a shelter or offer a blanket? Of course the former is much worse than the latter. Knowledge must move us to do something. Knowledge requires action. Perhaps you have no money to donate to a cause that alleviates the misfortunes of our world. What you do have is a voice. Knowing creates the obligation to share and spread awareness. Awareness then enables other players to change the game with the resources they have… a domino effect of good. So, how then, can ignorance be accepted as blissful?

All of my adolescent years were spent in the false world of bliss, ignorant of the deep searing pain of being abandoned by my dad. The problem with false worlds is that one day truth comes to demolish every square inch of deceit, leaving you in the ruins of confusion.

I wish I could go back and tell my dad I did indeed miss him… even if I’d shut off the feelings of missing him. I wish I could return to the day he left, to cry tears where he could see each violently fall to the floor instead of silently soaking my pillow in the middle of the night. I wish… I wish…

What can I do now? Explore my emotions, know my feelings, and express them now.
Every relationship is worth my fair shot of honesty in the moment.

How do you express yourself honestly in the moment?

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