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I’ve shared my testimony of healing and forgiveness a couple times over the past couple days and I’m so grateful for the heart of love and forgiveness God has put within me. Even though I came from a broken home with a neglectful dad, I’ve learned how nothing anyone else does is about me. Nothing is ever personal.
The problem is sin. People do the most backwards things to ease their guilt and the backlash on others is never fully recognized or considered simply because the first offense is against God, the Almighty. Who are we to be offended? We are to love as vengeance. We are to forgive with open arms. We are to pursuit with purpose and never wish for harm against any person.
Though it sounds hard and unrealistic, it’s my experience…a freedom and divine inspiration with unending encouragement to keep going to the end of me and all I can do…and let Christ continue His work through me.
To start from the beginning of it all, visit the DBMH Project, Inc. website, and explore my path from hurt to healed.
Life is the culmination of many decisions
From the simplest moments of survival
Deciding, Will I eat? Will I stay in bed?
Will I react or ignore what someone said?
Every decision isa building block to the work of my life
Only I can determine what’s that’s gonna look like.
What others do, what they say, how they act everyday
Should have little pull on what I decide
All that has happened, every hope that has died
Are all connected to what I decide
Will I keep pushing?
Will I keep fighting?
Can I forgive and forget?
Move on or keep hiding?
Maybe the more important question is: what life am I building?
Life is the culmination of small decisions
The big ones are only the side effect of the small
Never take even the smallest thing for granted
Be purposeful in your mind
Keep your focus on what you can control
Release the rest for the peace of your soul
Especially the people, misfortune, and stress
Go build the life you like
Only you can decide.
Check out the DBMH Project, Inc website to see how I decided the road of forgiveness and healing.
I’ve been wanting to watch the movie Unconditional for a while now and I’m really glad I took time to watch it. I HIGHLY recommend it. (Available on Netflix and at Christian bookstores on DVD) This story of Joe Bradford’s life is a call to action to all of us to reach out and touch the life of an at risk child who has never experienced unconditional love.
I cried as I watched the story play before me. We can get so caught up in our hurt, our pain, and our experience that we forget about those who are suffering without any hope. I am trying to do my part by spreading the word about healing and forgiveness when faced with abandonment and neglect… even still I know there is so much more hands on work to do. Truth is, my message now is reaching those who have grown up and might be looking for hope of a change in the way they feel or haven’t felt for a long time. However, I hope to one day meet the kids in the moment, in the middle of the hurt…and offer them the solution: faith in God, the eternal Father of us all.
I’m a believer because I have felt the power of love like a relentless force of magnetism to all things good, hopeful, and fulfilling in God. I’m not pushing an ideal…I’m testifying about a real, personal experience!
The blog is evidence of that.
Anyway, enjoy this teaser clip from the movie that displays some of the absent father dynamics:
I will keep you all up to date in how I’m reaching out to at-risk kids in North San Diego County so that you can join in the fight to make unconditional love a rule in our communities.
The book is still in revision but on track to be published this year! Stay tuned!
After posting the Wonder of Watching, it hit me that this disposition of observation is evidence of growth from a very different place in my experience.
Forever, I have had the look of longing. How could I not be somewhat envious of girls with dads to hold them when they’re sad and rub their shoulders when they feel uptight? How could I not be jealous of the girl excited for her daddy/daughter date? How could I not stop from crying when I’m watching a movie with a dad risking everything to the very inch of his own life to rescue his daughter? (Even though the movie Taken portrays a dad that is grossly unrealistic… there is only ONE Liam Neeson. lol) How could I not feel slighted by the lack of any great fatherly advice or protective stories from childhood?
I’ll tell you how I could. Gratitude. I have come to a place where I realize that for every good dad/daughter relationship, there’s a dozen I am thankful to not be part of. Whether your dad is a drunk, criminal, bully, or deadbeat… there is always a worse scenario. How can I long for something more than what I already have? Do I not trust I have all I need? If I have been slotted for less than the next, it is for a reason. If I have been given a harder test, I have the wherewithal to overcome. God gives strength to us to meet the challenges with confidence. There is grace to see others with more and still be content. Your lot is yours for a reason. Live knowing this.
If you have a look of longing, reset your focus, think of 100 ways things could be worse, and be thankful instead.
Gratitude is the remedy to a longing heart.
Today I watched a dad surprise his two girls (who appeared to be about 10 and 12) with two MacBook Air computers. No occasion. No reason other than that they’d wanted it for a while and he wanted to surprise them.
I watched the girls squeal in disbelief and begin hugging and kissing him gratefully. He stood stiff as a wooden pillar, turning red in the face. He just wanted them to know he cared without saying so.
I sucked in my breath as I watched. These girls have what every girl needs. The MacBook Airs can be easily replaced by froyo on a hot day or a new beach ball. The gift is not what’s important… it’s the loving adoration of a dad that cares about what you want… not just what you need.
To every girl who has never had anything close to a moment like what I witnessed today, take heart. Your father in heaven loves you more than any man ever could. Though the human aspect of relationship is nice, it is not altogether required for an enriched life with God as your father.
As quickly as my heart sank watching… knowing I would never experience what the girls obliviously cherish, I am encouraged to know I have the BEST father there is in God and he takes care of much bigger things than computers on a wish list. He gave me a clean heart, he takes care of me and keeps me from the defilement of the world. Not to mention the car, puppy, jobs, and other countless things a natural dad can only go so far to provide.
I’m thankful for what I have and hope I’ve encouraged someone to see things through a different lens.
Sometimes the deepest, hidden parts of me that are hard to express pour out of me in the form of poetry. Have you written artistically about a struggle or fear? Share in the comments section!
Unveiled I stand, in the midst of a grand audience of onlookers, feelers, supporters, and my own fear…
Revealed by the ache in my voice, emotions in a haze, my vision unclear.
Naked without the covering of my lies
The lies I told myself to hide
Hide from the reality outside the walls
The walls that stall the people who surround me
from reaching me…who I am beneath
Beneath the façade of carefree
Woe is not the load I carry
But my definition of freedom is limited to the anxiety of being betrayed by somebody
Because no one owes me more than the man who walked away from me
The man who bore me with his own flesh and yet
Alone without him and any hope of ever knowing what trust looks like
Estranged from my faith in possibility
I drown my self in the very thing that keeps…
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Healing begins when you accept the Light, Jesus Christ, into the dark part of your heart where anger, bitterness, denial, and disgust live. Asking God for help is where healing begins. Start your journey from hurt to healed today!
Today I will be celebrating receiving my graduate degree with my dad. I informed him last week when he called on New Year’s Eve that I finished school and he immediately grabbed his calendar to write-in a time for us to connect which falls on today.
The song that comes to mind is “This is where the healing begins…” This will be the first time that I’ve seen him since starting the DBMH Project 5 months ago. As I reflected in the last entry, I felt different listening to him on the phone this time. There’s nothing personal brewing under the surface. I feel free. No better way to describe it now…
The song says you have to let the secrets out because there is freedom waiting in the sound! I believe that through airing the disappointments and concerns, you can choose to leave them behind you and walk forward…
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