Archive | March 2013

Fresh Start

Over the past week, I have been traveling from Chicago, IL to Escondido, CA. Something I’ve pondered along the way is the wonderful opportunity to embrace the new beginnings. The past will not follow you when you address it and establish closure. Putting a period at the end of a chapter creates the barrier you need to keep the past from dragging behind you like a ball and chain. No need to have constant reminders of things behind you when there’s so much potential moving forward.

Here’s to a fresh start. The DBMH Project is getting new inspiration.
There’s a lot to look FORWARD to. Leave the past behind you.

Here’s to a fresh start. Choose your adventure and walk in it.

Family Man

There is a man who loves from so deep within that it spills over onto others without much effort.
The kind of man that takes on the title of being a dad proudly through choosing a ready-made family… or adopting. Sometimes this type of man is the eldest, and though he has no children of his own, he’s a father figure to his siblings… or he mentors young people in schools. The type of man who bonds with those who are weaker or less fortunate, to strengthen and support. The type of man who will sacrifice his last for someone he doesn’t even know.

A family man. A man who understands that loving is a choice. A living example that shows loving is a blessing that when freely given is returned tenfold. A man who does not keep track of what he gets out of any relationship. A man who understands that family is important. A family man who takes pride in being a leader.

A family man is made by the choice made from within.
Without the choice, the man is just a man.
This blog exists because of mere men.
I’m encouraged when I see a man that understands the need to be more.
I applaud every man who sacrifices his time and money to help others. You are what the world we needs.
The DBMH Project supports you!

Music Monday: For the Love of a Daughter

This song by Demi Lovato came on my pandora station while on the road from Chicago to Denver. Immediately I knew this song would be today’s featured piece. We can beg and long for our parents love for us to be enough to act right, but the truth is, if parents are unaccustomed to receiving the proper love through their lives, they have a hard time showing proper love to their children. There are many other factors as well, but this is just another spin on the story to consider as you listen to this touching ballad.

“For The Love Of A Daughter”

Four years old with my back to the door
All I could hear was the family war
Your selfish hands always expecting more
Am I your child or just a charity ward?

You have a hollowed out heart
But it’s heavy in your chest
I try so hard to fight it but it’s hopeless
Hopeless, you’re hopeless

Oh, father, please, father
I’d love to leave you alone
But I can’t let you go
Oh, father, please, father
Put the bottle down
For the love of a daughter
Oh

It’s been five years since we’ve spoken last
And you can’t take back
What we never had
Oh, I can be manipulated
Only so many times,
Before even “I love you”
Starts to sound like a lie

You have a hollowed out heart
But it’s heavy in your chest
I try so hard to fight it but it’s hopeless
Hopeless, you’re hopeless

Oh, father, please, father
I’d love to leave you alone
But I can’t let you go
Oh, father, please, father
Put the bottle down
For the love of a daughter

Don’t you remember I’m your baby girl?
How could you push me out of your world,
Lied to your flesh and your blood,
Put your hands on the ones that you swore you loved?
Don’t you remember I’m your baby girl?
How could you throw me right out of your world?
So young when the pain had begun
Now forever afraid of being loved

Oh, father, please, father
I’d love to leave you alone
But I can’t let you go
Oh, father, please, father

Oh, father, please, father
Put the bottle down
For the love of a daughter
For the love of a daughter

Love Trusts Without Assumptions

Trust is not an easy thing to do after being hurt. Having been betrayed on several occasions in my life, I have found trust to be a gift given with an understanding of mutual respect, honor, and loyalty.

Trust is defined as an assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something or one in which confidence is placed (according to Webster). Trust is a decision. Trust takes time to build and could tumble to the ground in an instant…

We can all reflect on moments like this and it either makes us sad, regretful, or grateful for the end of the failed bond, connection, or love interest. What I want to point out is that while trust is a decision, it is not voluntary ignorance. You can trust someone and still discover new things about them. You can trust someone and be inquisitive. You can trust and be curious about the details.

Assumptions lead to misunderstandings, unnecessary heartbreak, and trouble. Do not assume that I condone lack of trust in questioning the motives of people who love you. I am instead encouraging you to ask questions to uncover truth you never knew before about the people you interact with often or deeply. Asking questions will deepen your relationship and clarify aspects of a person that make it easier for you to trust them with pieces of your heart. Avoiding assumptions helps cancel the possibility of naive suppositions.

Be informed. Love with trust, for there is no love without trust.

Trust

Love Inspires

We’ve done a few different reflections on love over the past few weeks. First we covered what love is, defining love as unconditional and absolutely giving without exception. Love is a vast subject and we could blog everyday for the rest of the year on qualities and effects of love and hardly make a dent into the true deepness of love. Love is infinite, and yet, the limitless nature of love inspires us to do better, live better, and be better. Love wakes up hope and urges faith to persevere through all obstacles. Love energizes the faint heart to hold on through the darkest of nights for the dawn. Love pushes the wounded to a safe haven of rest and healing. Love inspires generosity from abundance and sharing from loss. Love keeps you moving when countless others have stopped. Love inspires change for the good through patience and kindness.
Love inspires.

You never know when the extra effort… the extra ounce of love will tip the scales. You never know who is inspired by the pouring out of your heart into the why behind what you do and how you do it.
Love’s inspirational quality is not a supposition, but a proven science. Love and inspiration go hand and hand. To love is to inspire.

Love inspires.

Broken People – KJ52

Funny how the urban scene will sing and write more about the brokenness in homes and emptiness of fatherhood than any other genre I’ve heard. My Pandora station will play 3x as many songs that reflect on dads being gone than any other station. Check this one out and let it encourage you to play your part as a mentor, father, or supporter for anyone who faces struggles like this in your world.

we are we are broken people (we are some broken people)
just trying to make it on our own (yet we try to make it)
we are we are broken people (we are some broken people)
and yet we are not alone (only cause of you we’re not alone)

now this aint how it’s supposed to be
cause mom and dad really wasn’t supposed to leave
but now divorce what they chose to seek
and now they see the kids every other week
and this aint how it supposed to end
cause when they started out they was best friends
but how it begins aint how it ends
sometimes that’s how the story spins
what do you do now what do you say
when people drift apart and they walk away
starting over make us all afraid
dealing w/ remorse plus a ton of shame
but there’s a cure for ya ton of pain
there’s hope and healing now in his grace
and there’s a place where you see his face
where he makes beauty out our mistakes

this aint the way the way she went and planned it
but little by little she they took it all for granted
just another story on our little planet
a little compromise break a few commandments
so the baby’s coming she starts to panic
contemplates all her choices and then examines
all the voices trying to tell her just to take advantage
of the fact she could abort it like it never mattered
but she struggles just to understand it
feeling lost confused and a little damaged
she knew his life was the thing that matters
so he grows kind of like a seed that’s planted
it was hard but she always managed
even when the problems never seem to vanish
she looks at his fingers and the little hand prints
she might be broken but shes gonna manage

we are broken cause we are sinful
we are a messed up type of people
just living in a world that’s quite deceitful
but there’s a way out if you let Him lead you
you see he promises to never leave you
everything you’re facing he would be through
its blatant that we really need you
even in our storms we can see you

Unveiled

Unveiled I stand, in the midst of a grand audience of onlookers, feelers, supporters, and my own fear…
Revealed by the ache in my voice, emotions in a haze, my vision unclear.
Naked without the covering of my lies
The lies I told myself to hide
Hide from the reality outside the walls
The walls that stall the people who surround me
from reaching me…who I am beneath
Beneath the façade of carefree
Woe is not the load I carry
But my definition of freedom is limited to the anxiety of being betrayed by somebody
Because no one owes me more than the man who walked away from me
The man who bore me with his own flesh and yet
Abandoned
Alone without him and any hope of ever knowing what trust looks like
Estranged from my faith in possibility
I drown my self in the very thing that keeps my dad away from me
Self-deceit

Unveiled you see a different me
A girl who is hurting
Hurting from the years of pretending
Aching from the hole burning deep within me
My inside raw from the searing
Inflamed, deeply bruised, bleeding
Trapped beneath my skin, deep bruising
Remedy in sharing
So, unveiled I stand
Courageous and daring
Fear gripping my hand
Truth falling from my lips
Freeing me from the grip of the past

Vulnerable and powerful
Lies quelled
Who I am, unveiled.

Love Knows No Rules

Anyone truly in love does not have to be told how to love. We love by instinct. We protect those we love. We support those we love. We stand by and care for those we love. We sacrifice for those we love. We risk our lives for those we love. True love does.
You don’t have to follow a list of rules to understand what love is. You thrust yourself into a relationship and you get to know the person you are with. You learn more so you can love more. Your love is not based on what you can get, but more about what you can give. True love is. Love comes from the heart, not the head. True love does.

Rules set limits. Rules set boundaries. Rules will never set you free.
Love does.
Love will never leave you empty handed. Love is infinitely rich, gracious, patient, and true. Love is a keeper. Love is a redeemer. Love is free.
Live and learn.
Give to get.
Be merciful…not just just.
Forgive and forget.
True love does.

Papa, Can You Hear Me?

Barbra Streisand sang a song to her dad.

The lyrics are touching… I thought I’d share it this week with you all.

Papa, can you see me?
Papa, can you find me in the night?
Papa, are you near me?
Papa, can you hear me?
Papa, can you help me not be frightened?

Looking at the skies
I seem to see a million eyes
Which ones are yours?
Where are you now that yesterday
Waved goodbye
And closed its doors?
The night is so much darker.
The wind is so much colder

The world I see is so much bigger now that I’m alone.

Papa, please forgive me.
Try to understand me.
Papa, don’t you know I had no choice?

Can you hear me praying,
Anything I’m saying,
Even though the night is filled with voices?

I remember ev’rything you taught me
Ev’ry book I’ve ever read.
Can all the words in all the books
Help me to face what lies ahead?
The trees are so much taller
And I feel so much smaller.
The moon is twice as lonely
And the stars are half as bright.

Papa, how I love you.
Papa, how I need you.
Papa, how I miss you
Kissing me goodnight.

57 Candles

Today my dad turns 57. I have no idea what his plans are for celebrating… or even if he is. I plan to call and sing Happy Birthday to him on the way to work. Part of my heart breaks for him really. What does a man who has now lived 57 years celebrate when he is surrounded by people he has not known for a full 10 of those years? What does he think about when each of us reach out to him in our own way? Does his birthday make him sad? I have heard the older you get, the more birthdays make you reflect on your death day… =/

Even still, I want to write a tribute to my father. Regardless of his bad choices in the past, every passing minute is a chance to change who you are. I do not hope he changes for me, I sincerely hope he changes for himself. I want him to discover that true happiness is not in serving self, but in serving others.

Lord, I pray you would bless my father on today to get a glimpse of who YOU truly are so that he can then see himself and be convicted. I pray he sees how following his own ways have led him to where he is and that only YOU can bring him back. Show him you love him still. Show Him your love through me. Make me the daughter he needs to have in his life to experience an even greater redemption than he could imagine. And if not… Lord I pray that he would not have to suffer in this life. The pain of loss is more than most can bear. Deal kindly with him. Give him days of inspiration and hope. At least for today, give him a happy day of 57 candles. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

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