Skewed Vision

Any girl with a dad who’s fallen off (through divorcing the family, cheating on mom, running away, ignoring the children, dodging child support, etc. etc.) has an idea of what it is to have a skewed vision. Suddenly, any man with similar traits is demonized by the foolishness your dad keeps up and any man who is pointedly different from your dad in ways creates a halo effect. Be aware that both instances are flawed.

Demonization of a person based on similar qualities to your dad are least likely to be wrong, but still can be… in very rare instances. I knew a girl that started dating a guy that reminded me of my dad. No discretion. Couldn’t keep his word. Disrespectful. Sweet talker with no delivery. I immediately didn’t like him. She chose, instead, to see all the good things about him while praying the flaws were redeemable. (As a side note: Women should always assume a man’s flaws will forever stay the same. If you operate on that notion, you’ll have less heartache, headaches, and arguments.) Needless to say the guy revealed the true jerk he was as clear to her in time as I could see within hours of knowing him, but again, we are dealing with two types of skewed vision. Mine being judgmental and hers being naive and unrealistic. I’d say to stick to the negative notion if you have a reasonable reason to believe you’re right. Better safe than sorry.

The Halo effect, on the other hand is tricky. Meeting a guy who comes off as honest, trustworthy, punctual, romantic, thoughtful, and kind will put him in a realm so different than anything you have known having your dad around that you’ll be tempted to think that he can do no wrong. Suddenly you’re singing about Angels and Heroes and envisioning this guy as the perfect savior and redeemer of dumb jerks you’ve known in the past. This is sticky and dangerous because no man wants the pressure of being perfect or the judgement that would come along with his first mistake. If the guy is being deceitful, you’ve set up a perfect stage for a hypocritical show to continue for as long as he can keep up the act.

Try your best to know people for who they are rather than who they are in comparison to other people. Comparing people to others is not only unfair but unbiblical. With that said, be aware of your skewed vision, and look through the eyes of love and honesty to yourself and to whoever you’re dealing with.

“We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.” 2 Cor. 10:12

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About Keila Harris

An MBA graduate with an unparalleled ability to keep a team focused on the goal with clear deliverables to produce for specific results. I am a self-starter. I began a nonprofit organization in 2012 called the DBMH Project, Inc. and then authored a book as well. I love the intersection of business and technology and solving problems alongside colleagues dedicated to their work. I like to focus on growth strategies through SMART goals and accountability. I believe power is in the execution of constant learning and open, humble self-improvement. Therefore I read incessantly and expand my network at every opportunity. #PayItForward #SuccessIsTheJourney

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