Archive | February 2013

Unconditional Love

“How deep the Father’s love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He would give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure”
If God loved us for what we bring, what we do, or who we are, all humanity would be hopeless. Instead, we are loved profusely, regardless of anything we could ever be, say or do. This unconditional love is what God, the Father wants to teach us. No matter what, love. Love conquers all and is the source of life, strength, hope, peace, and patience. Love is freedom form the past. Love is forgiveness. Love is courageous. Love is what we all need and who we need to be.
When we are betrayed, abandoned, struck down, and nearly destroyed, we have to remember that love is stronger than evil. Love will bring you home.
Consider how God feels, when people reject His love, so vast beyond measure, in order to live recklessly in a way that God already knows will bring them nothing but emptiness and sorrow. How crushing and yet, He stands in our corner, hoping for the moment we turn towards Him so he can run and embrace us, kiss us, and welcome us home where we belong. Where love lives. Where love gives. Where all we could ever need makes us free.
real love begins where nothing is expected in return

real love begins where nothing is expected in return

You Can Change Who You Are

After the events of the past, many people lose hope of a decent comeback. You ask yourself, What will people think? You wonder, Will anyone take me seriously? But friend, you’re focusing on the wrong thing! Instead, ask yourself Do I want to regret my decisions of the past when I have a limitless future of possibilities ahead of me? Take courage and put your trust in God who can enable you to change into the best person you could ever be… ever!

I know that look you’re giving,
Like you’ve got something to prove
‘Cause I have walked for miles and miles
In that same pair of shoes

You refuse forgiveness
Like it’s something to be earned
Sometimes pain’s the only way that we can learn

You can never fall too hard,
So fast, so far
That you can’t get back
When you’re lost

Where you are is never too late,
So bad, so much
That you can’t change
Who you are, ooo-oooh
You can change who you are, ooo-oooh

You believe in freedom,
But you don’t know how to choose
You gotta step out of your feelings
That you’re so afraid to lose

And everyday
You put your feet on the floor, you gotta walk through the door
It’s never gonna be easy
But it’s all worth fighting for

You can never fall too hard,
So fast, so far
That you can’t get back
When you’re lost

Where you are is never too late,
So bad, so much
That you can’t change
Who you are, ooo-oooh
You can change who you are, ooo-oooh

So let the ashes fall wherever they land
Come back from wherever you’ve been
To the foot of the cross
To the feet of Jesus,
The feet of Jesus

You can never fall too hard,
So fast, so far
That you can’t get back
When you’re lost

Where you are is never too late,
So bad, so much
That you can’t change
At the foot of the cross
You can change, yeah
Who you are, at the foot of the cross
You can change, yeah
(Who you are)
You can change who you are, ooo-oooh
You can change, ooo-oooh

“Who should reconcile first?”

“If you’re the victim, is reconciling your responsibility?”

A recent conversation highlighted the question above, who’s responsibility is it to reconcile between the violator and victim? A just world obviously points to the violator as the person to apologize and seek reconciliation, but we know the world is not just. Life has never been fair, nor will itsever be. God, however, is just and his judgements and commandments are all right. He says to seek out the person who may have a problem with you and make it right. Essentially, if thequestion comes to your head, “Who first?” Then the answer is clear. You. If you are thinking it, then you are responsible for the part that is yours… Whether that be an apology or open arms… Exonerate yourself through love, humility, and determination to stay clear and true to yourself and others.

Don’t ask…do.

When Reluctance Visits; A Cry for Help

Confession: After finishing the first draft of Daddy Broke My Heart, it felt so good to close it up and send it to multiple people to revise. As I started receiving feedback, I realized that the book is a conglomeration of emotional catharsis written in a plethora of different styles that leaves the reader with questions and frustrations that are hardly intentional.

Alas, the book must be revamped, restructured, reorganized, and expanded. You would think having finished my MBA that I’d have more time now, but I’m in the middle of the biggest transition of my life now and writing isn’t in the forefront of my mind anymore. Part of me wants to slink away and forget about the DBMH piece until things settle down. But I know I cannot. Truth is… I’d love to have a storyline consultant tear what I have to pieces and feed it back to me in bite sizes for me to conquer. Essentially, I’d love for someone to volunteer to do what I do for others and their businesses. (See how/what I do on www.keilaharris.com) Inspire me. Hold me accountable. Let’s set a goal and make it happen.

Sure, I can force myself to do it… but with help, this would go so much faster, smoother, and downright better. Plus, I’d love to acknowledge you and your awesomeness.

Any takers? Email me at keila @ daddybrokemyheart . com (without the spaces – mind the scammers!) and tell me why you would be the perfect fit for the job.

Help me….please.

PLEASE HELP ME

The Father Effect

This Monday we’d like to highlight media from the The Father Effect.

This 15 minute film highlights the need to forgive your dad, no matter what the circumstance. These are some testimonies of people who have suffered, abandonment, disappointment, neglect, abuse… you name it.

The wonderful thing about forgiveness is in the freedom it offers the giver. But don’t take it just from me, take a minute to watch this video.

See more on the Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Father-Effect-Movie/211007652267276

 

The Day After Valentines

The bitter taste of reality is a rude awakening the day after Valentine’s Day. No matter what you did to tune out the simple and blunt truths of insecurity yesterday, the sun has risen again and there they are staring you in the face. Tuning out the truth to avoid facing it is either postponing the inevitable or exacerbating the condition. By permitting a situation to victimize you, you are creating and propelling an unhealthy perspective with such a negative lifestyle. So if we can’t ignore it and we can’t run from it then what will we do?

Accept reality: too many of us try to ignore or run from our situation. No matter what phase of life you are in; married, unmarried, in college, high school, or the last years of your life you have to accept the truth for what it is.  There are many times in our lives that we dream about the next step or even the last one but ignoring the present will only lead to wasted time and precious life.

Don’t allow the situation to dictate your perspective. Each one of us has a story to tell, a history lived out, and choices we have made, which has brought us to our current place in life–whether we like it or not. One thing each of  us also needs to understand is we have the choice to see our lives as an opportunity or an obligation. In whatever phase of life, situation, or current melt down you are in, always remember the quality of a person is not determined by one’s failures but rather how he/she improves from them.

A man presenting to an audience asked everyone to listen to two versions of the same song on the piano. The first version was played using only white keys and then the second using black and white; without a doubt everyone deemed the second as the better version. The white keys are pure and perfect notes and the black keys are the flats and sharps.

Life, as with music, is full of flat and sharp moments but they only add the beauty in the song we call life. With each note, every situation, I urge you to step into a healthy lifestyle growing from mistakes, learning from the past and accepting every moment for what it really is: a gift.

Skewed Vision

Any girl with a dad who’s fallen off (through divorcing the family, cheating on mom, running away, ignoring the children, dodging child support, etc. etc.) has an idea of what it is to have a skewed vision. Suddenly, any man with similar traits is demonized by the foolishness your dad keeps up and any man who is pointedly different from your dad in ways creates a halo effect. Be aware that both instances are flawed.

Demonization of a person based on similar qualities to your dad are least likely to be wrong, but still can be… in very rare instances. I knew a girl that started dating a guy that reminded me of my dad. No discretion. Couldn’t keep his word. Disrespectful. Sweet talker with no delivery. I immediately didn’t like him. She chose, instead, to see all the good things about him while praying the flaws were redeemable. (As a side note: Women should always assume a man’s flaws will forever stay the same. If you operate on that notion, you’ll have less heartache, headaches, and arguments.) Needless to say the guy revealed the true jerk he was as clear to her in time as I could see within hours of knowing him, but again, we are dealing with two types of skewed vision. Mine being judgmental and hers being naive and unrealistic. I’d say to stick to the negative notion if you have a reasonable reason to believe you’re right. Better safe than sorry.

The Halo effect, on the other hand is tricky. Meeting a guy who comes off as honest, trustworthy, punctual, romantic, thoughtful, and kind will put him in a realm so different than anything you have known having your dad around that you’ll be tempted to think that he can do no wrong. Suddenly you’re singing about Angels and Heroes and envisioning this guy as the perfect savior and redeemer of dumb jerks you’ve known in the past. This is sticky and dangerous because no man wants the pressure of being perfect or the judgement that would come along with his first mistake. If the guy is being deceitful, you’ve set up a perfect stage for a hypocritical show to continue for as long as he can keep up the act.

Try your best to know people for who they are rather than who they are in comparison to other people. Comparing people to others is not only unfair but unbiblical. With that said, be aware of your skewed vision, and look through the eyes of love and honesty to yourself and to whoever you’re dealing with.

“We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.” 2 Cor. 10:12

Forgiveness by Matthew West

This song speaks for itself. Press play and take in the lyrics… remember the truth hurts, but freedom is worth the sting.

It’s the hardest thing to give away
And the last thing on your mind today
It always goes to those that don’t deserve

It’s the opposite of how you feel
When the pain they caused is just too real
It takes everything you have to say the word…

Forgiveness
Forgiveness

It flies in the face of all your pride
It moves away the mad inside
It’s always anger’s own worst enemy
Even when the jury and the judge
Say you gotta right to hold a grudge
It’s the whisper in your ear saying ‘set it free’

Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, Forgiveness

Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness

It’ll clear the bitterness away
It can even set a prisoner free
There is no end to what its power can do
So let it go and be amazed
By what you see through eyes of grace
The prisoner that it really frees is you

Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, Forgiveness

Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness

I want to finally set it free
So show me how to see what Your mercy sees
Help me now to give what You gave to me
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, Forgiveness

Anxiety Lies

Anxiety is the part of us that always has something to worry about. Anxiety has a question about everything and is constantly nervous about what will happen, has happened, is happening… anxiety feels like an ever-surrounding force that presses in on you with tons of pressure. If you’re not careful, you’ll let it swallow you alive with exhaustion, migraines, and sickness.

Anxiety lies. You can’t waste your energy listening to all of the possibilities of probabilities and suppositions of suspicion or you can recognize that everything you’re worried about is untrue.

Anxiety lies. Outside your windows and doors, anxiety lies in wait to surround you with the aroma of doubt, fear, and discouragement. Recognize the traps and the smell of the no good anxious thoughts, and cast them off.
Are you letting anxiety hold you back from something you know you have to do? Are you listening to the lies anxiety has to tell you?
Consider this: If every reason that holds you back is false, how does that change what you would do with the emotional baggage you deal with? Remember, this is not about what your dad is or is not doing, and more about what you’re doing about it. Whatever you do, do not listen to your anxiety. Run in the direction of the fear. That is where you will find healing.

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Love’s Biggest Frustration

Unrequited love is the biggest frustration anyone can face. When you care deeply for someone, you want them not to simply care a little, but care just as much as you do… or more! As sons and daughters, we are frustrated when our dads fail to show that they care. The mixture of anger and sadness causes a deep resentment that makes us want to build walls and close ourselves off.

What we do not often consider is the reactive effect of our decisions.

When a father neglects or disappoints his child, the negative feelings affect the son or daughter.

When the son or daughter closes up and retreats, this hurts them and whoever their life partner is/will be because instead of choosing to address the problem, frustration causes them to hide from the issue. Conflict avoidance… 

The ultimate breech is in the relationship you have with God the Father, who gave His only son as a sacrifice so you could live loving those who reject you, ignore you, and spitefully use you. Refusing his grace and shoving away His will for you to forgive will plunge you into deeper anguish and misery.

Have you considered the frustration God suffers when you push Him away? You feel betrayed because your dad shares your blood, your genes, and should care about you as a human being… right? Well God formed you while you were in your mom’s belly. He knows every detail about your likes, dislikes, and way of thinking. He obsesses over your every move. When you fail to communicate with Him, acknowledge Him in your life, and return His love through your obedience, He is crushed by the rejection.

Now that’s Love’s BiGGEST frustration.

God is Love. He gets frustrated with you when you choose not to trust Him.

God is Love, Love is Real

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