Filling the Hole

We all have a place in heart where a dad belongs. When he isn’t there, that place turns into a black hole sucking in whatever it can to fill it. A lot of times we search for someone to love us, only to find more hurt and frustration. Low self-worth and esteem leads to poor choices. Poor choices based on the wrong type of attention; physical relationships that temporarily offer comfort but soon eat us from the inside out like cancer.

Alana is gorgeous. But without her dad to assure her and remind her of this, she lives unaware. The media tells her beauty is about how much booty she can put out in the name of love. She feels cheap and pathetically predictable. She despises herself and those she lets use her. She knows what she’s doing is wrong and yet the cycle continues and she can’t help herself.

Noah is smart and self-aware. But he has never been affirmed or encouraged by his father.  In times of difficulty and stress, he copes with a bit of help from pills, rocks, pot or whatever it takes to feel better. The high never fails to erase the pain for a little while. He knows exactly what to expect. Unlike the dumb nuts in his life that put him in a tailspin when he chooses to trust them. Nolan knows he can trust the substance to do its job. Knowing better than to abuse drugs doesn’t make him feel better. People are cruel, life is not fair, and he simply can’t help himself.

Josie is tired of men letting her down. No one understands her like Cara. Cara has been let down too. Men treat her like dirt. They both feel good when together and love is the only word to describe how they feel. Josie wants Cara to receive the love she longs for and she wants to give it. She never thought of herself as queer, but she also never thought life would hurt her as bad as it has. Plus, she muses, A little love never hurt anyone. And she just can’t help herself.

Marty is the type that won’t get hurt again. But here’s the thing, he likes to have fun. Marty won’t hurt women, not intentionally anyway. But no matter how careful he is, he leaves a string of broken-hearted women behind. But Marty warned each one of them not to fall in love. He’s not a jerk. No, Marty is a nice guy. He loves his family and friends, but he’s scared. Watching his dad walk away makes him terrified of commitment. What if he is incapable of staying true to a woman? He built walls to protect himself from hurt. What Marty has come to realize is the very walls that keeps people like his dad from getting in, keeps any woman he could ever learn to love out. And as much as he knows he should break down the walls, brick after brick, he fortifies because he simply can’t help himself.

We are all trying to fill the hole inside of us. And that’s just the problem. We cannot fill the hole alone. In the midst of abandonment, emotional neglect, abuse, or any mistreatment at the hands of a dad, there is the hope of our Father. The One that has never left us or abandoned us. The Father that knew us before we were conceived. He knows of all the troubles we have suffered at the hands of men he designed to do good. But evil has deceived many hearts, which has made people terribly selfish and dishonest. But in spite of it all, God in His love and mercy offers forgiveness. Forgiveness that erases the guilt and heals the hurt of the past. The bad choices we have made that hurt others and ourselves will be taken off the record. The best part is the power that comes with forgiveness. The power to help yourself, through Jesus Christ. Jesus gave his life to make us sons and daughters of God and to bring us above the influence of evil.

God fills the hole in us entirely and completely. God, the Father, gives us more than our earthly dads ever could. God is more than what we could ask for. But we must ask. We must acknowledge our need, confess our own faults, forgive the faults of others against us, and decide to live our lives in the light of truth. We can break the cycle of the sins that enslaved us and those who hurt us.

Are you trying to fill the black hole of longing with things that just hurt you more?

Surrender yourself to God and let Him help you.

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

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About Keila Harris

An MBA graduate with an unparalleled ability to keep a team focused on the goal with clear deliverables to produce for specific results. I am a self-starter. I began a nonprofit organization in 2012 called the DBMH Project, Inc. and then authored a book as well. I love the intersection of business and technology and solving problems alongside colleagues dedicated to their work. I like to focus on growth strategies through SMART goals and accountability. I believe power is in the execution of constant learning and open, humble self-improvement. Therefore I read incessantly and expand my network at every opportunity. #PayItForward #SuccessIsTheJourney

7 responses to “Filling the Hole”

  1. Jerry Rodgers says :

    This is a great statement and illustration of the problem, and the perfect (only) solution. My own dad was always at home during my childhood, and he was a Methodist preacher, so I heard the Gospel of love from his lips, but he was unable to love his wife, my mother, and their loveless relationship shed a black shadow (if not a hole) over the entire family. Because I did not have an example to follow, my own first marriage was unsuccessful, but because I knew what the gospel of true love was from my father’s preaching, if not his practice, I was eventually able to find the God of true love and establish my new (born again) life and a new family on the solid rock of Bible truth. If you want to read the whole story, you can find it in “The Gospel According to Jerry: Confessions of a Fool for Christ” (

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