Love is a choice.
Even though as infants and toddlers we were trained to love our blood relatives, as we come to an understanding that love goes beyond the words and hugs. Love is a commitment to put someone else before yourself. Love is a promise to look out for someone and keep their name from being marred or misused. Love is vulnerability.
Love is something we can help, simply put, a choice. Once betrayed, you choose to stop loving. Your vulnerability is treated as a weakness and manipulated. When Anaïs Nin stopped loving her father, you would think she would have found freedom from the negative energy of that relationship. This was not the case. She succumbed to what she describes as a “pattern of slavery.” A “pattern of slavery” to suppressed emotion, feelings of neglect, gripped in the chains of her own bitterness.
We can choose our friends. But blood dictates who is in our family. And even if we are never close to family for the better, we owe it to ourselves to resolve within ourselves why there is no connection. Furthermore we must recognize anew that love is a choice.
Love is not about the soft and fluffy nor the hugs and kisses and fond feelings. Love is tough. More often than not, love is tough. Tough love is about acknowledging the broken state of the relationship, and trudging ahead anyway. Tough love is honest even though it hurts. Tough love is hoping for the best for an individual from a distance. Tough love is difficult, that is why it’s called “tough” to start with. Even still, tough love is a choice to stay free of the “pattern of slavery.” When it comes to family, tough love is better than not to love at all. Remember, love is the absence of hate…and hate will surely destroy you.